PLEASE: Break the Chain!

This post is for the “Ladies” – especially the “Ladies” who are my Dear Facebook Friends: 

You’re smart; really, really smart… some of you have come through unimaginable battles of all kinds and in heroic fashion. You’re savvy and have the kind of common sense that glues families together, troubleshoots and solves problems, and which ultimately provides the warp & woof of the tapestry of life.

I mean that in all sincerity. I “get” you – I am, after all, one of you.  I’m in the Cosmic Sisterhood, just like you…

Now here comes the “Bam!” Sometimes you let yourself get railroaded… and you are so nice and so genuine you don’t even see the insult when it slaps you in the face.

What the hell am I talking about??? I am talking about you being played… sucked into fake piety and absurd religiosity coupled with manipulation.

Please, please, please STOP with the insipid chain letter fake prayers, OK? You know what I’m talking about – I know you do; hell, in the last 10 days I’ve received 600 of the damn things. I get it: You mean well. You like me… you may even love me… but I like and love you too and I can’t stand to see you played for ninnies.

Let’s look closely at what exactly it is that I’m writing about: Although there have been many others, right now I’m specifically referring to the current chain letter that is circulating like an infectious virus on Facebook.

It begins: “Dear God, the sweetest woman is reading this and is beautiful and amazing. Please help her live life to the fullest and bless her in all she does!”

Yeah, OK, well that seems benign enough… but wait… immediately thereafter the sociopathy begins and the next sentence is this: “You are now on the clock.”

Huh? I’m on the clock? What clock? Whose clock? Is this God’s clock? The same God you just asked to bless me because I am beautiful and amazing???? That same God?

Then comes the subtle pressure, the shrewd psychological “gotcha’ moment” – having been prayed for, you are now being set up to perform… to jump through the hoop.

But wait: there’s something in it for you… there is a treat the other side of the hoop:

“In the next 9 minutes something will make you happy.”

 Yeah: in the next 9 MINUTES… not 10, not 5, but NINE minutes… the clock ticks on… Why 9 minutes? I don’t know but it is probably calculated so that it takes you exactly 7 minutes to read the damn thing and then forward it 15 times… so you have 2 minutes to wait for your miracle…

It never DEMANDS you do anything (at least not yet) but you will probably do it whether it makes a demand or not… why? Because this person has said you are beautiful and amazing and asked God to care for you and help you and beyond ALL THAT… as if THAT were not enough… in NINE MINUTES something will happen to make you HAPPY. What a miracle!

Does it say if you do NOT do what it is about to ask that you will not be happy? No, that would be too brazen – brazen even for the sociopath who first created this damn message… it is more subtle,  beautifully crafted for a woman’s heart: If you don’t do what it is about to ask… you will hurt someone.

You will hurt the sender. And of course there is a name attached to this message… SHE will know… SHE is keeping score…

Follow me now: You have received an unsolicited prayer and then for doing nothing but existing you also get a miracle… a 9 minute miracle no less… so even if you think that’s a bit absurd you’re a nice person and you think “oh how sweet…” and so (most likely) the majority of women will do as asked… especially since there is a “please” attached:

“Please share this with 15 girls you love. Remember, only for ladies.”

Girls? Is that a Freudian slip… the writer quickly adds “only for ladies.”

So now you need to be selective… you need 15 gender-specific people who are not just women (or “girls”) – they are ladies. This, of course, is value laden.

And WHY would you do this…???

Well, GUILT.

This wonderful friend, this lovely person who called you sweet, beautiful and even amazing… who prays to God for you and sent you the miracle of happiness in only 9 minutes… now, of course, this friend hopes you will include her in this expanding circle… because if you do not… IF they “don’t get this back…”

Well, then you’ve hurt them! You’ve pained them! You will have told them they are “not a close friend” (how can that be?! Maybe they aren’t -- but you do not want to actually TELL THEM THAT, right?).

But most of ALL: this one line almost compels performance because if they don’t get the chain letter BACK – they will KNOW you not only don’t care for them as much as they care for you… maybe you don’t have any friends… or believe in prayer… or you’re not nice…

And then the writer circles back to the original “request” only this time there is no “please” attached; it has morphed into an order:

“Once you read this, you have to send it to 15…”

You did nothing but READ THE DAMN THING but now you “have to send it to 15.”

But, hey, not to worry: it’s not “that hard” – and of course it really isn’t that hard… if it were hard, then the chain letter would die but it is not meant to die… it is meant to endure… and the longer it endures, the more “ladies” will do as they are told… how many? Well, even at 50% that’s a lot of ladies doing as they are told… (hell, I received 600 of these damn things so right there, with just my experience, we have quite a few maids a milking…as the song goes…).

Sure, it may be inconvenient but what the hell… THEY DID IT, right? The sender took the time BECAUSE….because “Whoever sent this to you must care about you.”

So, there you have it: THEY CARE OUT YOU!

C’mon folks: you are all brighter than this!

This particular chain letter is a feminist’s nightmare. You know why it’s so carefully crafted for “ladies”? Because there’s not a man out there who would bother with this shit. Not a one; at least none I’ve never known.

There is something uniquely clever about this chain letter – about how it appeals to the heart of a woman… What a sin that is – to use those very traits that are so beautiful to manipulate so adroitly.

Friends, whoever wrote the first chain letter was a sociopath… maybe a mini-sociopath in training but they were a sociopath and the sociopathy continues… I remember when chain letters were hand-written and mailed and then after the internet became common they came to us packaged as email… and now they are delivered via Facebook. Today we even hide behind the alleged incompetency of the Post Office... "what? you didn't get your chain letter back? gee, I sent it to you the same day I received yours... how odd..."

Proving, I suppose, that shit not only happens, it adapts and persists… and may even get nastier.

PLEASE: BREAK THE CHAIN!

This chain letter, as with all chain letters, has no power over you. It has nothing to do with God, prayer, blessings, miracles, loving your friends, or being loved by anyone. It is no better than snake oil and voodoo… and if you’re a woman of faith, then you should recognize it as blasphemy.

Now, let’s talk about faith.

If you believe in a Divine Creator, that is wonderful. If you have cherished friends, that is wonderful also.

If your faith is such that you believe prayer is beneficial, again: That is wonderful. If you find it in your sweet heart to pray for your dear friends then, of course, that is wonderful.

Whether you choose to tell your friends you hold them dear and remember them in your prayers... well, my goodness, that is up to you – but if you think they will find it comforting, then please tell them – but do it in your own words and words that are respectful of your intelligence, as well as your faith.

Please let me add one more thing: I believe in a Higher Power and I believe in the efficacy of genuine, heartfelt, faith-based prayer. I also believe in the remarkable power of love and friendship and the blessings they convey.

I want your friendship; I cherish your friendship. I am especially humbled when that friendship is richly nuanced by love and if you want to pray for me… well, thank you.

I appreciate your prayers. I welcome them. Hell, I need them too…

But please, my friends, in this day when we all bemoan the effects of the Dumbing Down of America and decry what has happened to our country because so many of our fellow citizens seem to have lost their minds and abandoned all powers of critical thinking… do not succumb to the absurd and the blasphemous.

Develop a deep connection with the Divine… not a little girl’s connection, not that of a 5 year old who thinks of a Creator as another Santa Claus or Sugar Daddy… but as an unfathomable force that transcends our puny ability to comprehend but yet calls to our deeply spiritual need for connection to something eternal and universal.

Prayer and meditation are beautiful journeys… they will both take you somewhere that is special and will be unique to you. Find that sacred space in you… let it teach you how to connect with something so much more profound and meaningful than our temporal existence. 

You’ll find it so much more rewarding that circulating chain letters.

And when you get another chain letter, I won’t mind at all if you email back to the sender the link to this post.

Stopping the Dumbing Down of America begins with the little things… just like this…

Please, break the chain. 

Well, so much for the egg rolls...

Several days ago I ran into a local Chinese restaurant to place an order to go... it's a restaurant with a bar and of course a TV... as I was waiting for my order I saw Fox News was on in the bar and some blonde Fox chick was skewing the news as usual. There were 3 men in the bar and I noticed they stopped talking and started to listen to the Fox blonde blather on... I couldn't hear what she was saying but I could hear the men and one of them in particular who said "that bitch Hillary."

That really frosted me... so I walked right up to the bar and peered at the television screen for about a minute and as I did the men fell silent, watching me. Then I turned and said to them: "This damn Fox News... they have no shame. I never listen to them without hearing at least one lie about something."

DEAD SILENCE.

The more inebriated of the 3 (but not so drunk he was incoherent or falling down) said under his breath "fucking liberals..." and the others laughed.

I turned and looked at him and asked, "What did you just say?"

He sneered at me for a second and then said to his buddies "fucking liberals... where were they when we were in 'Nam, huh? Smoking dope in Canada..." and the others sort of did a "yeah atta' boy."

I never advise wading into danger or provoking a fight but honest to God something sort of clicked in me and as I looked at those 3 very average men, probably all 3 of whom would kindly stop and help me dig my car out of a ditch in a blizzard, it hit me: Those guys are my PEERS. We grew up together. Maybe not literally but we're close in age and share many, if not all, of the same American cultural experiences.

How did we get to where we now stood, in our 60's, sneering at each other with so much contempt and misunderstanding?

The idea that I didn't care about him or all of the other kids who served in 'Nam just broke my heart but it also infuriated me.

I cannot begin to count the letters I wrote to so many kids with names like Mike, Steve, Chris, Kirk, and Bob -- kids from my Northside Chicago neighborhood -- who served in that goddamn idiotic war... or how many times I baked chocolate chip cookies and packed them in popcorn and sent them overseas... or how many times I got into trouble at my Catholic girls' high school for writing a letter in a class or study hall when I should have been focused on school work. How many times did I cry myself to sleep? How many times did I watch, grim-faced, as Dan Rather spoke to America from some godforsaken rice paddy and told us all the ugly truth? As a freshman I wrote to the older brothers of friends... over time, over four years... I began to write to a boy I loved... dearly, dearly loved.

But most of all I cannot explain what it was like to be on the military side of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport as the flag draped casket of a 19 year old boy came out of the belly of a cargo plane... and the years after... all the years after... 

"My country: love it or leave it" was often said in those days... but I remember saying "NO! I'm not leaving! I love my country and that is why I HATE this... " (or that...). I have always understood that patriotism is treasonous when it is blind because it tears away at the fabric of a nation like acid on cloth... patriotism must be an embrace of responsibility, a demand for what is just... it can be nothing less or it fails.

And as I stood there waiting for shrimp egg foo yung and two egg rolls I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that those 3 angry men would not harm me.

You may say it was naive but it's not: If you had been there, you would have seen what I saw -- just some old guys who once were young guys... guys who received chocolate chip cookies packed in popcorn by sweet young things like I once was... so long ago.

Oh we were all such nice kids then... they were handsome and brave and girls like me were sweet and naive... oh God that was so long -- so very long -- ago. 

I spoke softly but firmly:

"I want to tell you something, OK? When you were in Vietnam people like me, and our very intelligent liberal leaders like McCarthy and Bobby Kennedy, were doing everything possible to get you home, preferably in one piece -- you know, before your legs or balls were blown to bits in a damn muddy rice paddy? You get that right?"

They were silent; I continued: "Frickin'-A you get it. Frickin-A."

The silence had grown most uncomfortable.

"You hate liberals? Well, I hate old men who send young men off to senseless goddamn wars... wars that kill boys like the one I once loved so dearly... yeah, frickin'-A right I do. And now look at you: You're here today and probably collecting VA benefits or Social Security because of the fucking liberals. Wow. What terrible people we are. Fucking liberals. Liberals who didn't want you to die and now don't want you to starve. Fucking liberals."

Then I saw a totally horrified-looking little Oriental lady holding my brown paper bag with my order in it.... (and I think the people who run this place are actually all Vietnamese, not Chinese)... seriously, the poor dear looked stricken.

The silence was deafening... another Oriental, a man, came out from the sliding doors behind the bar; he wore a dirty apron and held a humongous cleaver... he looked more puzzled than stricken... and he and the woman holding the bag with my dinner in it said something to each other in what I think was Vietnamese while the 3 American men averted their eyes.

I took my order and said "thank you" to the lady and then to the 3 angry American men I made it a point to say "Merry Christmas, guys. Glad you made it home."

But as I walked out the door I heard one of the men snarl "fucking liberal bitch" one more time -- only this time the other two didn't laugh.

Two out of three: Well, that's a start I guess.

I got into the car, steamed up with Shadow's panting hot breath on a freezing cold night, and said to him as we drove away: "Shad, the good news is I think we can recover the high ground one day... but the bad news, pal, is I don't know where the hell we're going to get egg rolls anymore..."

I'm Furious with so many of you...

You know how as a parent or aunt or uncle or grandparent, even as an older sibling, you naturally respond differently to dumb-ass accidents versus truly egregious stupidity?

Your parents did that, right? So did some of your teachers. Haven't we all stared dumbstruck at the teenager who suddenly acts no brighter than a cabbage? You think, "What the hell happened? Did he just sustain a blow to the head?"

You cannot begin to fathom why in the name of God an intelligent child just did something so colossally stupid it's mind blowing -- and you find yourself saying in the most withering parental terms, "Have you lost the brains God gave you?" and "What the hell were you thinking?"

Maybe he thought it funny to give his little sister a cigarette or a beer... maybe he thought it reasonable to ride a mountain bike off a steep hill into the field of possible death...

We all know that the same child who once demonstrated the most remarkable insight, calm response in a crisis, or common sense far exceeding his or her years can suddenly, almost over night, seem either possessed by the devil or suffering organic brain disease.

This morning I woke thinking of a dear friend's son, Neil. When he was only 5 years old, Neil demonstrated astonishing intelligence and calm that saved his babysitter's life. His sitter was a 17-year-old girl who went into respiratory distress from a life-threatening asthma attack.

Neil called 911 and reported his babysitter, Lisa, "can't breathe right" and "I think she's choking" (his exact words). We learned later that the 911 dispatcher told Neil to stay on the phone with her but he said he couldn't do that; he told her (and this is the funny part) "hold that thought, OK? I have something to do..." -- and so he did: Neil had the amazing foresight to put the family's German shepherd in the basement because he knew the dog would not let anyone into the house unless his parents were there. Then he unlocked the front door so the paramedics could enter and went to the end of the driveway to wait for them. When he saw them he started jumping up and down and waving them into the driveway lest they miss the house.

As to the dog, Neil explained later that "Baron would never let them in the house and they'd have to shoot him to save Lisa." It was true: Baron was the best dog in the world but there would be no way in hell that 105-pound German shepherd would allow a bunch of strangers to storm into the house in all their first-responder outfits and gear. Baron would have died before that happened -- unless of course he was told to stand-down... but Neil said he didn't think Baron would obey him because (as he also explained to his parents), "You weren't here and Baron loves me. It's his job."

Let me repeat: Neil was five years old. Actually, I think he was 2 months short of being 5.

Now let's fast forward to the day, ten years later, when I prayerfully sat in the Surgical Waiting Room with Neil's distraught parents and grandparents as a team of surgeons tried to put Neil back together again. That 17-hour surgery saved his life but Neil would have to undergo many more surgeries over the next 4 years.

I was there when the police explained to his flabberghasted parents what actually happened; they pieced it together through the tearful admissions of Neil's remorseful friends and the more coherent testimony of two adults who witnessed it. The adults, a couple who were hiking the trails that day with their dog, said they saw Neil at the top of a high hill clearly preparing to ride down the hill the wrong way... it was a treacherous path that would hurl him directly into huge rocks and boulders in front of a stream with a fast current (the stream, by the way, was relatively shallow and also loaded with rocks).

The adults started yelling at him that he was going the wrong way (to the jeers of his friends who were egging him on with "Do it Neil!" and "I dare you Neil!"). Neil ignored the adults and unable to execute an Evil Knieval over the boulders and then land in the stream, proceeded to smash his body into the boulders -- some of which were the size of a small car.

Neil, one of the smartest little kids I've ever known, fractured his spine in 2 places, broke a dozen other bones, and suffered a brain bleed.

There was no cell phone coverage in that area and that delayed calling for help. Also, it took almost 2 hours for the emergency responders to reach his smashed body down that dangerous ravine, stabilize him for transport and bring him up to the ambulance.

I remember his parents' relief when one surgeon from the surgical team told us the surgery appeared successful and Neil was stable and in recovery. His mom sobbed and his dad just stood mute, still in shell-shock.

Eventually, as the full measure of Neil's recklessness and sheer stupidity set in, I saw the parental anger set in also -- and boy did I understand. It's when the crisis stabilizes somewhat and you have time to think about "what could have been" and you say a really furious "WTF?"

Neil's dad was particularly angry. He kept saying "I don't get it... he's such a damn smart kid..." and then came "If Neil survives this, I swear I'll want to kill him myself..."

I think all parents get this...

Neil had clearly somehow lost those proverbial brains we like to believe God gives us all at birth.

And here's where I'm going with this... Neil came to mind this morning as I realized how angry I am; how really, really damn angry I am.

I am just fricking furious.

I see myself standing over a shattered entity on life support and through my tears I am coming to terms with another feeling I do not want to have and yet I do... and I hear myself whispering, "America, what the fuck were you thinking?"

America, have you lost all the brains God gave you?

Boy, if you survive this... I swear to God I'm going to want to wring your bloody neck...

Hold that thought; I have things to do but I'll get back to you...

We can get THERE from HERE

I've needed some time... I've had so much to process and I have so much to say... what I've already posted here and on Facebook are but the tip of the iceberg...

Each time anyone tells me how much they appreciate my words, how I've hit home in their hearts or minds, or given them encouragement, I am so greatly pleased and also humbled... Writing for entertainment is one thing... but writing to help fortify and educate and encourage another...

I can't always do that and of late I -- like you -- feel the life has been sucked out of me. I haven't felt that I've had much to give... except perhaps anger.

But now it's time to move into that which is proactive.

Today I’d like to share these thoughts: 

I am against censorship. I support a free and unfettered press. I believe in the "marketplace of ideas" and the right to be stupid.

However, I also believe that, unlike Joe Schmo with a computer and internet connection, major institutions of influence and power have a CIVIC AND MORAL DUTY to be truthful. Mistakes happen; messages get blurred -- but a repeated, brazen cycle of Fact-Free News and Toxic Political Spin is killing this nation.

Fox News is a Fact-Free News Source; a Propaganda Machine Extraordinaire.

You know that is true... and you are frustrated... so am I but we can take a stand. 

People keep asking me "what can we do?" and "what's next?" and "how can we fight Trump?" etc.

There are many ways but the easiest that could have the most long term consequence is a public protest against Fox.

Here's how you start: Please pay attention to where you are at all times: are you in a doctor's waiting room or sitting in a surgical waiting room for family in a hospital or are you waiting for attention in an ER? Are you at the dentist? Are you in a restaurant or bar? Are you waiting for your tires to be rotated or your oil checked at Jiffy Lube?

Almost all of those places -- and many more -- will have a television and almost of them, about 9 out of 10, will have their TV on the National Default Channel: Fox News. I don't know how this happened but I have seen this for at least 10 years... I have experienced this constant assault by Fox News in IL, WI, IN, MI, KY, PA, NJ, NY, NH... in Atlanta, Miami, Dallas, LA and San Francisco. FOX NEWS IS EVERYWHERE but we're going to singe their tail feathers, we may even ground them entirely. 

I've been doing this for years in public spaces. I have no reservation about asking anyone to change the channel. I've asked waitresses, bartenders, hostesses and other service personnel to change the channel and if anyone looked at me weirdly or I think they are going to protest I say this: "I'm very sorry but I have a terrible allergy to lies and propaganda."

In many places you can change the channel yourself -- DO IT. If anyone else is in the waiting room then announce your allergy to lies and you might also add this for good measure: "You do realize, right, that independent studies have consistently proven that Fox News almost never tells the truth." I also sometimes add: "Fox News has greatly contributed to the Dumbing Down of America."

Announce it firmly, with authority.

To this date, NO ONE has ever challenged me. Why? Because first of all it is unexpected and they will be taken by surprise but most of all because no one wants to actually say: “Oh, I don't mind lies; I like lies…” or "Hey, I like being Dumbed Down and Stupid."

And here is what you do as well: In your own home watch Fox News for a little bit each day and catch all of the LOCAL AND NATIONAL SPONSORS… MAKE A LIST (change your viewing schedule; advertisers choose different time slots).

There will be commercials for local businesses and services... roofing, car sales, hospitals, lawyers... get those names... then you and everyone in your family and all of your friends should call and write those sponsors and very firmly tell them that you detest Fox News because they are a bunch of lying So&Sos. Announce you and others are FED UP. Tell them you are prepared to BOYCOTT anyone who advertises on any Fox News affiliate and you are going to ask every single person you know to do the same.

And say it like you mean it – because you do mean it!

Then go for the big national advertisers: Geico, Liberty Mutual, Exxon, GE, Schwab, Merrill Lynch, all the large banks…get those names.

Same drill for them: “We will boycott you if you continue to advertise on Fox News.”

Remind everyone how this hurt Rush Limbaugh's sponsors. Remind them.

Always say this:

“We are demanding TRUTH IN JOURNALISM AND NEWS REPORTING and are going after every national media source that willfully and repeatedly lies to us or spins facts to advance a political agenda. We will not tolerate this anymore. You, Mr. Sponsor, are in the LINE OF FIRE. We suggest you get out of the way….”

Now, let's roll...